Because I was talking to someone about journaling and how I might a little bit miss how I used to do it daily. In those little notebooks by my bed. I’d lose them, decide they were stupid, or just give up. See, I always think that my words need to go somewhere; that these things in my head should be put into something that someone else will find useful, entertaining, or at least mildly worthwhile. So I’d give up journaling and try to write better things with storylines or rhymes. I got 78 pages into a novel idea once. Then I got bored because I knew how it ended already in my head. Something about it bothered me and I never figured it out. When I failed at that, that’s when I really stopped journaling. If I didn’t care about the story of those I had created, who was ever going to care about mine? All my journaling ever was was rambling about what I’d done or what I wanted (mostly pertaining to boys, in that silly age I was) and more often than not it was just repetitive and useless. Ohh sometimes, yes, I’d take a page of rambles, make it pretty and add the words to a scrapbook page or turn the journal into art. But most times? I just forgot them. What good were they anyway? I started journaling only when I had to. I journaled when I had no one to talk to, but never about what I needed to talk about. I journaled when camp made me have silent time last summer, and I needed to figure out what I was doing there. I pour random thoughts into that blog of mine, never knowing if that counts or if it even matters. And then I realized while talking about the loss of my journaling that I do still sometimes have thoughts I want to just ramble on about or things I want to talk about but don’t know how with anyone and who cares if they never go anywhere or do anything or mean anything to anyone but me? If they do mean something to me or I feel something letting them out then that matters. And I always lose my notebooks or ruin them or start new ones or whatever always happens to all those journals I start and they’re lost forever so I’m putting thoughts here. So that even if I give up again or take a break from it or don’t have any words for a while, when I come back, as I always do, it’ll be here waiting. And everything will be in one place where it doesn’t have to mean anything to anyone but me. And if someday something I say here becomes anything other than a rambley bit of Kaila, then okay. So here it is.